Is There Anyone We Can Beat?

Something happened (again) yesterday as I watched another Cubs game.

I gave up.

That's right.

I gave up the moment the Cubs found themselves down TWO runs.

During other seasons, channel surfing during a Cubs game was a no-no for me. The only exceptions were 10+ run deficits, Bob Howry appearances or Top Gun.

Not so much this year. Heck, I thought about turning it off after a run scored FROM SECOND on a wild pitch. FROM SECOND! And don't even get me started on the whole second and third with no outs bed-crapping suckfest in the 8th (I feel bad for those of you who were still watching).

To make matters worse, it was the Pirates. The 36-41 Pirates (which sounds really bad until I realized the Cubs were 36-38...kill me now). To make matters even worser (yes, I'm aware that is not a word, but somehow it seems perfect for this team), Lilly was on the mound. That's Ted Lilly, your Chicago Cubs 2009 All-Star.

Maybe this is the low point. Not this game, but this road trip. Maybe Aramis will ride in on his white stallion and save the season. Maybe Smarj is the stabilizing force the bullpen needs. Maybe Soriano can remember that bat must meet ball to produce a hit. Maybe Lee can keep his hot streak going. Maybe Fontenot will slip in the shower and none of us will have to watch him bat EVER again this year.

That's a lot of maybes, I know. But when I find myself watching America's Got Talent INSTEAD of the Cubs games, that's all I've got.

Go Cubs.

Cubs Vendors Can't Even Be Original At Racism

Thanks to SportsByBrooks for the pic of this moronic shirt being sold at Wrigley today.

Kudos to the idiot who stole the idea from some idiotic Cards fan and made a sad knock-off version.

Well done, sir.

On a lighter, less racist note, there's this:



Awesome even without a translation.

Go Cubs.

A Two Game Series is Perfect

Sadly, the first game of the 2009 Cubs/Sox series was rained out last night. For 39,000+ soaked and (probably) hammered fans of both teams, it was a huge downer. But for me, it was perfect.

Why?

Because now they can tie.

I know, try to contain your excitement.

Over the past few months, one of the few things Cubs and Sox fans can agree on is that their team's 2009 campaigns have been...what's the best way to put this...hot-poker-in-the-eye awful. Both teams have struggled out of the gates. Both teams have managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory on multiple occasions. Both clubs have forgotten how to hit, field, catch, run and in Milton Bradley's case a little bit of all four with a side of poor math skills.

So when the skies opened up yesterday afternoon, I prayed for a rain out. With a makeup date not yet announced, a rain out meant a two game series. Which, if the season so far is any indication, made it a lot easier for the Cubs to not screw this up. One win gets the Cubs a tie. Heck, two wins...ah, nevermind, who am I kidding.

So thank you rain gods for giving fans on both ends of the Red Line something we haven't had in awhile...hope. Hope that after Thursday's game, we will both be no worse off.

What a season, eh?

Go Cubs.

PS. I am going to the game on Thursday, so pray the Cubs win today or me and my 13-game losing streak will make all this series split stuff a moot point.

The Curse of the Z No-No

The goat has absolved me of my sin.

Ok, so I have good news and bad news.

The good news is that after months of racking my brain, trying to figure out what has turned the Cubs from favorites to frustrating-as-f#&k...I finally figured it out. As it turns out, it isn't the DeRo trade. Nor the bullpen. It's not the poor play of Soto and Bradley. It isn't even the injury to Aramis. No, sadly the lackluster play of the Cubs since the end of the 2008 regular season is the result of something...else.

Which brings me to the bad news.

This is all my fault.

As I mentioned in my 90210 Playoff Preview last September, there was a certain game last year in Milwaukee that I kinda, sorta missed.

Let's let 2008 J Dot explain:

In interest of full disclosure, I missed the no-hitter on Sunday thanks to a combination of my stupidity and my strict adherence to arbitrary jinxing rules. That's why I neglected to post about it. I felt like a turd for missing one of the greatest Cubs games in my lifetime and couldn't bring myself to try to fake like I had been watching it. To my three avid readers, I apologize.

Yeah, I know. I am not the brightest knife in the chandelier. But don't worry it gets much, much worse.

After the regular season ended, WGN decided to re-air the Zambrano no-hitter for those of us dumb enough to have missed it the first time. So, I recorded it. But with the playoffs just around the corner, I never got around to watching it.

So...

When the Cubs crapped the bed and made a quick exit in the playoffs, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the Jim Hendry went bat-shit crazy on us and traded away not one, but TWO clubhouse leaders and replaced them with "players" like Kevin Gregg and Aaron Miles, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When the bullpen forgot how to make the round white thing go over the pentagon-shaped white thing, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

When players started dropping like flies and the bats took a sabbatical, down at the bottom of my DVR was a program titled "MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Milwaukee Brewers."

Now, I wonder what the common denominator was during this fun little eight-month tailspin?

Oh. Right. My bad.

But have no fear, my four readers, there is a silver lining. I deleted the game (without watching it of course, I'm not a complete idiot) on Friday morning. Since then, the Cubs are 2-1.

Curse lifted.

You're welcome.

Go Cubs.

Do Something, ANYTHING!

His jersey fit the last time the Cubs did something interesting.

Other than committing felony assault on innocent Gatorade machines, when was the last time the Cubs did anything worth watching? Sure they have won a few here and there. Heck, they even split the series with the "NL Best" LA Dodgers. But were any of those games fun to watch?

No.

Now that the Bulls and Blackhawks are out of the playoffs, it's time for the Cubs to step up to the plate (pun intended) and start being at least remotely entertaining.

Bring on the circus catches, the late inning rallies, the tape measure HR shots, the...aww, who am I kidding. Just start scoring some damn runs so I don't start seriously considering watching I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!

Go Cubs.

PS. I was gonna live-blog the game tonight, but decided against it for obvious reasons. I will be "tweeting" about it, however. Feel free to check it out here.

PPS. Soriano homered as I was writing this post. I will now begin to eat crow.

(Almost) Everything Right With the World

Cubs fans react to the news about Neal Cotts.

As Hire Jim Essian pointed out this morning, there is finally some good news to report about your Chicago Cubs. No, not their rained-shortened victory last night (which was nice).

In what may go down in history as the GREATEST "addition by subtraction" move in Cubs history, Neal Cotts was sent far, far away (to Iowa). Unfortunately, they also sent Scales with him which ends (for now) the feel-good story of the year.

Who got the call, you ask?

1) Andres Blanco (.314 BA, 4 home runs and 25 RBI).
2) Jason Waddell (5.40 ERA in 18 appearances for Iowa)
and...

3) The man, the myth, the legend...Jake Fox. (.423 BA, 17 home runs and 50 RBI in 40 games)

I don't think I am over-reacting at all when I say:

Season saved.

Ok, that maybe just a little.

Go Cubs.

Happy Memorial Day!

So I have good news and bad news.

Bad news? I am going to the game tonight so there is a pretty good chance the losing streak continues.

Good news? There was a dance off during a rain delay of the UConn and South Florida game last week...and there's video.

Please to enjoy.

via SportsbyBrooks.



Go Cubs or something.

Of Course It's Not Your Fault

Paul Sullivan' article in the Trib today featured to VERY different takes on the Cubs offensive woes of late.

D-Lee:
"Let's not blow it out of proportion," Lee said. "It's two games. Carpenter is the nastiest pitcher I've faced all year. No excuses. We're professionals. We've got to score, but just don't blow it out of proportion."

Milton Bradley:
"I'm the main culprit," Bradley said. "I'm having terrible at-bats. Just not doing anything, not even hitting the ball out of the infield."

For all the bad press Milton gets for his temper and crazy behavior at least he has the cajones to step up and put the blame on himself instead of trying to make his suckiness about the media. Maybe Derrek should spend more time in the batting cage and less time worrying about what the media thinks of his performance.

I've had it with this dude.

Bring on Micah (or Fox).

Go Cubs.

Rick Telander Actually Makes Me Miss Mariotti

I can't believe I missed this today, but apparently Ricky wanted to get some extra press this week so he boarded the ludicrous train and headed straight to doucheville. As the Sports Guy likes to say...I am without speech. Enjoy.

Small hitter, big problem.

When even Theriot raises suspicions, baseball's earned cynicism.

Sorry, Ryan Theriot, you're a suspect. Forget Manny Ramirez and Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi and Mark McGwire and all the other hulking, accused performance-enhancing drug users.

You, sir, all 5-11, 175 pounds of you, are doing devious things.

To wit, Theriot -- no disrespect, but if he's 5-11, I'm 6-12 -- hit two home runs Wednesday night at Wrigley Field against the Padres, giving him five times more home runs in 33 games this year than he hit all last season.

Brrinnnng! Eee -- ah! Eee-ah! Zzzt! Zzzzt!

That rings the steroid/HGH/ whatever-designer-drug-is-in bell, doesn't it?

Yup, he wrote that. Sober.

Go Cubs.

Cubs Continue to Win, Bore My Pants Off

I turned on the game yesterday when it was 1-1 and watched as the Cubs proceeded to treat the woeful Padres like a red-headed step child. Three changes and six runs later, I flipped the channel never to return.

My bad.

It was a beautiful day at the ballpark, and the Cubs were on their way to a sweep. I should have been dancing around high-fiving my imaginary friends. I wasn't. In fact, I couldn't have cared less.

What in the hell is going on? Have I grown so accustomed to them winning that it has become tiresome to watch? Doubtful. Are the Padres so bad that I didn't feel the last three victories were that big of a deal? Possibly. Is this team lacking a personality or players that are fun to watch? Bingo.

Don't get me wrong. There are some great players on this team, and I am excited that they are playing well, but I'm not really as emotionally invested as I normally am. With Mr. Clutch on the DL and Mr. Never Bunt For a Hit Ever Again nursing a bad hammie, I am hard-pressed to think of a guy on this team that pumps me up on a daily basis. Think about it. Outside of the Bobby "Story Soon to Be a Major Motion Picture" Scales and the suddenly home-run happy Theriot, this team is pretty boring.

Sure Soriano is killing the ball, but do his ABs really have that electricity or buzz that make them must-see TV? Not really.

Milton Bradley may be finally turning it around, but his plate appearances are like watching paint dry. A buddy of mine recently joked that he had yet to see Milton swing. He wasn't that far off. The man takes a TON of pitches. I realize that its because he has a good eye, but it is still mind-numbing to watch sometimes.

And...(pausing).

See, I can't even come up with anything remotely interesting to say about anyone else.

Without Z and Aramis, this is just a team of hard-working guys who get the job done. Nothing flashy, nothing highlight-worthy. Just good, honest, BORE ME TO TEARS baseball.

Yes, I am aware that I am looking a gift horse DIRECTLY in the mouth. Yes, I understand that I will be singing a different tune when the Cubs are mired in a seven-game losing streak and I am ready to sell my first born for a win. I get it. Really I do. It's just winning is so damn...uneventful.

Go (YAWN) Cubs.